Life, Autism, Disability, and More

Tag Archives: neurotypical

Question Mark Man! Image by pakorn via freedigitialphotos.net

Image by pakorn via freedigitialphotos.net

So this morning, I had to leave my design class because of ignorance so extreme that it was either walk away, cry, or turn to violence.

Since violence is not the answer (unless you want to get it wrong on purpose), and if I’m going to cry, I don’t want it to be in a college classroom. Instead, I went out and sat on the steps.

Why?

Because one of my fellow students made a statement about another student – one she shared another art class with:
“She’s like special needs. She’s so annoying.”

When I tried to explain that equating “annoying” and “special needs” is not cool, and that she didn’t understand what she was talking about, she said that she didn’t want to say anything by accident and would like to be educated.

I again tried to tell her that her statement was insulting – that she was saying that special needs equaled annoying, but she kept defending her statement, saying it wasn’t meant to be insulting. It was that this girl in her other class was just so special needs and annoying.

The annoying part of this other girl, it seems, is that she doesn’t follow directions and does her own thing. The teacher doesn’t correct her, but this girl in my class feels the need to “help” by correcting her.

Now, if the girl in question truly is special needs, there may be a reason the teacher lets the girl not quite follow directions. There may be a reason the girl can’t follow directions. And, regardless of whether this girl is special needs or not, there may be something at play that the teacher knows and the students don’t. There may be a reason that the girl does not follow directions. And it’s no one else’s business if that is the case.

After a few attempts at educating her about the fact that she is being insulting by discussing why special needs people are annoying, I gave up because she clearly does not understand. I pointed out my son was autistic, that I knew many people on the spectrum, that her judgment of others who were not like her was closed-minded and would upset many people, and she just kept repeating that she didn’t mean it to be insulting. It was just that this girl was annoying.

Then her friend sitting next to her says, “Well I was reading this thing in my doctor’s office about autism, and some of the signs are when people are like obsessed with something and are like, what’s that word, you know – anti-social.”

By then, I was ready to bang my head on the desk just to get them to shut up. They had no idea what they were talking about, they were being insulting, and they were not interested in learning anything, regardless of their statements.

It’s now far enough removed that I can look back and just shake my head. There’s only so much I can do to educate others, and if they aren’t interested…if they truly believe that people who aren’t like them are “annoying,” I have only one thing to say at this point:
If you don’t like someone and you find them annoying, leave them alone.
Stop equating special needs with annoying because, let me tell you, what is really annoying is your judgment of non-neurotypical individuals when you have no knowledge to base that judgment on.

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simon with binocularsLet me start by saying that I love John Scalzi. Really. I do. I swear. If I didn’t, I wouldn’t have gone to his signing/reading up in Houston when “Lock In” came out. I was totally enthralled by his reading of the part of the “book” that wound up not being in the book.

But.

Then I read “Lock In.” Well, I tried to read it, anyway.

I stopped about 100 pages in. Because, regardless of his intent, what I got from it was autism and Asperger’s.

The threep suit that the main character (male or female – you take your pick, but I’m using “he” for short-hand in this blog posting) wore made him seem like he had Asperger’s.

The sensory stuff that he dealt with, the super-memory, being locked in his own head…like kids with autism who can’t communicate.

I was okay with it, and I kept reading because I kept thinking maybe I was reading too much into it. Maybe I was the one who just put autism into everything because I think about it so often.

Then it was time for the scene at the dinner table of the fund-raiser of the main character’s father. And there was an argument because many people at the table felt that the locked in people should try to be more “human” (even in their threeps), while others argued that it was the individual’s right to choose how they interacted with the world.

And I had to stop.

There is such an argument right now about how much people should accept. Should people on the spectrum be forced to be “normal”? So many people force their children to go through ABA and learn to behave like all the neurotypical people. No stimming (which, as you can read about, is often extremely detrimental to stop for many people on the spectrum).

I also remember, from oh so many years ago, an article that I believe was in the New York Times about a woman who was happy with her son, she kept saying that in the piece, but then when he was 8, he wanted to be Mickey Mouse for Halloween. And, clearly, that was unacceptable, and so she had to “fix” him to get him to be more like his peers. I wanted to slap her for forcing him into a role he didn’t want to be in. Why should he change – just to make her happy? To make society happy? The kid was happy. What difference did it make if he loved Mickey? There are plenty of adults who do, too!

It goes further than that, of course. I could write about this for pages and pages.

But I’ll just stop with this: imagine being truly locked in. Imagine not being able to communicate your wants and needs. And imagine that, like in the book, the government cut funding to things that would help you to communicate.

And now you know why I couldn’t keep reading. The reality is there. The thought of the insurance not covering things that might help Simon is a reality I don’t want to consider, even though I know that’s probably where the world is going.

But rather than end with that achingly painful thought, let’s think about something else. What if we looked at the behaviors of autism differently? What if we considered the good and the bad, and we helped those on the spectrum be happy instead of making us happy?